Check out our funny white jokes. White folks can’t really complain about jokes, since they have it pretty good. So enjoy these jokes about white people and have a good laugh. Keep in mind these jokes are for entertainment purposes only. Have a sense of humor and don’t hate on your fellow man.
What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?
Why do so many white people get lost skiing?
It’s hard to find them in the snow.
What do you call a white guy who needs to get somewhere in town but does not own a car?
What does a white woman make for dinner?
What does a white man do when he is unhappy with current government decisions?
He writes a letter.
How did the white boy come out of the grocery store with a six pack?
He walked in and payed for it.
What do you call a white man in court?
What do you say when you see a white man carrying a TV?
“Excuse me sir, you dropped your receipt! Let me pick that up for you.”
You know what sucks about being white? Well, not much actually. I mean, there are starving people in Africa, and all those other people in disasters…I’d say we’re pretty lucky.
Why did the white guy cross the road? Because he needed something on the other side. Why else would he cross the road?
What do you call a white man in the ghetto?
A woman getting married for the fourth time visited a tailor to get a wedding dress made.When the tailor inquired about the color, the bride-to-be said “White”. The tailor was a bit surprised by this, and said, “Excuse me, I don’t mean to pry, but since white is the color traditionally worn by a virgin on her wedding night, I can’t help wondering if you might still be a virgin? How could that be?” The woman replied, “I’m sorry to say, but that’s the way it is. You see, my first husband was a psychologist. He just wanted to talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist. He just wanted to look. My third husband was a stamp collector. God, I miss him…”
A seventy-five year old White guy, his hair was completely white, marries a twenty-two year old girl, and she gets pregnant.
Nine months later, he walks into the Maternity Ward. He says to the nurse, “Well, how’d I do?”
The nurse says: “She had twins.”
He says, “Heh, heh, heh…well, I guess that goes to show, that even if there’s snow on the roof, there can still be fire in the furnace.”
She says, “Well, then you’d better change filters. Both of your babies are black.”
You might be a redneck if…
- Your sophisticated famous cousin is a rodeo clown.
- Your three-year-old child is a member of the NRA.
- Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
- Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
- You have more cars on your front lawn than in your driveway.
- You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
- You’ve ever used your fishing license as a form of identification.
- You cut your toenails in front of company.
- You consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve…
- You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
- You think the stock market has a fence around it.
- You’ve ever made change in the offering plate at church.
- You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
- You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
- You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
- Your Christmas tree is still up in February.
- When a sign that says “Say No To Crack!” reminds you to pull up your jeans.
- You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
- Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job, primer red and primer gray.
- You have a Hefty bag for a Car/Truck convertible top.
- The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
- You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
- You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
- You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high quality entertainment.
- You gene pool doesn’t have a “deep end.”
- You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
And there you have it, our list of funny white jokes. This list is not all-inclusive and we’ll be adding more as we hear them. If you would like to share your own jokes about white people please do so in the comment box below. Thanks!
Searching for jokes about Justin Bieber? You’ll love these!
What do you call a Canadian girl who can’t sing?
I used to have a voice just like Justin Beiber, then I turned four.
Justin Bieber dolls have no man parts, nor does he.
What does Justin Bieber and Pinocchio have in common?
They both want to be real boys.
How hard is puberty going to hit Justin Bieber?
Harder then Chris Brown hitting Rihanna!
Justin Bieber’s new song is called “if I were a boy”.
Why is it sometimes alright to judge a book by its cover?
Sometimes it’s named ‘Justin Bieber’, and you know its crap!
What’s worse than finding a Justin Bieber CD in your boyfriend’s bedroom?
Finding a box of tissues next to it.
Hey you guys are so mean to Justin, leave HER alone!
Why did the Chicken cross the Road?
To get away from Justin Bieber!
Share your own jokes below!
Come looking for funny Canadian jokes, eh? Well you’re in luck! We have a ton of funny Canadian Jokes for you to enjoy. The jokes about Canada and Canadians are a funny way to poke fun at our neighbors to the north. Canadians are crazy people and here are a few reasons why…
Funny Canadian Jokes
In Canada there are two Seasons – six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobile weather.
Why did the Canadian cross the road?
To get in the middle.
What do urine samples and Canadian beer have in common?
How many Canadians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, and a 24-pack of beer. (Once the room starts spinning…)
On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: “Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon.”
God continued, “I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth.”
“But Lord,” asked Gabriel, “don’t you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?”
“Not really,” replied God, “just wait and see the neighbors I am going to give them.”
A Canadian fellow is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Randy stops him and asks, “Hey Dave! What did you get that case of beer for?”
“Well, I got it for my wife, you see?” answers Dave.
“Wow,” exclaims Randy, “Great trade.”
South Park – Blame Canada
You Might Be Canadian If… Jokes
You know the 4 seasons: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
You can play road hockey on skates.
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
“Eh?” is an important part of your vocabulary, and is more polite
than saying, “Huh?”
You have twins named Wayne and Gretzky.
You find -10C to be “just a little chilly”.
Your nice clothes are flannel.
You substitute beer for water when cooking.
You know what a toque is.
You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade.
You owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car.
You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
Canada vs USA Jokes
Why is the USA like a granola bar?
Once you take away the fruits and nuts all you have left are the flakes!
What’s the difference between a New Yorker and a Canadian?
When the New Yorker sees something wrong he yells, “Eh! What do you think you’re doing?”
The Canadian yells, “What do you think your doing EH??”
There is a drunk American in a bar. He stumbles over to a Canadian watching a hockey game and says to him: “You Canadian?” The Canadian says, “Yes I am.” The American sits down with a grin and says, “We have a saying’ in America: ‘Canada is the grumpy and whining neighbor above a really great party.’” The Canadian says, “Really? Well, we have a saying in Canada too: ‘America is like North America’s basement. It’s where you put all the crap and try to forget about it.’”
This is an actual radio transcript between the U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln (a U.S. aircraft carrier) and Canadian authorities off the coast off Newfoundland in October of 1995.
Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln. The second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course by 15 degrees north…
I say again, that’s one-five degrees north or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship!
We are a lighthouse. Your call.
Thanks for reading our list of funny Canadian jokes. Please share your own clean jokes about Canadians in the comment box below, and tell your Canadian friends!